Planning a funeral service while you yourself are grieving is an immense challenge. You are faced with organizational tasks, while your thoughts and feelings actually need a completely different space. We would like to assure you that you are not alone in this task.
This guide is not intended to impose a rigid set of rules on you. There is no "right" or "wrong" way, only a personal way to say goodbye. We provide you with a clear structure and practical steps so that you can concentrate on the essentials: organizing a dignified and personal farewell that does justice to the life of the deceased.
1. the first steps: What is important right now
In the first hours and days after a death, you will be faced with a lot. The most important thing is not to allow yourself to be paralyzed by the abundance of tasks. Concentrate on the steps that need to be taken immediately.
Our detailed guide for the first phase will help you to keep an overview and not forget anything. It will guide you through the process of contacting a doctor, obtaining a death certificate and choosing a funeral director.
Once these initial formalities have been clarified, three basic questions will help you lay the foundations for the funeral service:
- What type of funeral is desired? The decision between burial in the ground, cremation, burial at sea or a natural burial largely determines the possible setting for the funeral service.
- Who is the main contact person? Appoint a person in the family to coordinate the organization to avoid misunderstandings.
- Is there a funeral plan? Check whether the deceased has written down their wishes for their own funeral. This can make many decisions easier for you.
2 Laying the foundations: location, setting and budget
With the answers to the first questions, you can now determine the cornerstones of the funeral service. These decisions form the framework for all further details.
The right place for the farewell
The location has a decisive influence on the atmosphere of the ceremony. The usual options are:
- Cemetery chapel or church: The classic setting, often directly at the place of burial.
- Funeral director's funeral hall: Offers a neutral and often flexible space.
- Alternative locations: Depending on the type of funeral and regional laws, farewells in a cemetery forest, in your own garden or in rented premises are also conceivable.
Talk to your funeral director about the options that suit the wishes of the deceased and your ideas.
The setting: From traditional to individual
Ask yourself what character the ceremony should have. Should it be religious or secular and free? Do you want a large, public farewell or an intimate celebration in a close circle? The answer to these questions will determine the choice of speakers, music and rituals.
The budget: plan costs realistically
A funeral involves considerable costs. It is important to set a clear financial framework from the outset. The funeral service itself is only one part of the overall costs.
Good to know: The cost of a funeral varies greatly in Germany. Factors such as the region, the type of funeral and the scope of furnishings play a major role. Always get a detailed cost estimate from your funeral director.
- Reading tip: What does a funeral cost? A detailed overview.
- Reading tip: What does a funeral advertisement in the newspaper cost?
3. organizing the ceremony: The heart of the funeral service
The order of events is the soul of the funeral service. Here you have the opportunity to honor the personality of the deceased and create a space for shared memories.
Music that connects
Music can provide comfort where words fail. Choose pieces that had a special meaning for the deceased or that create a suitable mood. These can be favorite songs, classical melodies or live instrumental pieces.
Words of farewell
The spoken words form the central theme of the ceremony. The focus is on the eulogy, which pays tribute to the life and personality of the deceased. It can be delivered by a clergyman, a professional funeral speaker or even a close friend or family member.
Encourage other mourners to participate with short, personal contributions such as an anecdote or intercessions. This makes the ceremony more lively and personal.
- Reading tip: Writing an obituary: A guide with formulations.
- Reading tip: Obituary vs. obituary: The most important differences.
Rituals and personal symbols
Small, symbolic acts can have a big emotional impact. Here are some ideas:
- Candle ritual: Each guest lights a small candle and places it by the coffin or urn.
- Floral greeting: Provide individual flowers for guests to lay down as a final greeting.
- Photo collage: A selection of photos showing different facets of the deceased's life.
- Motto: A suitable mourning motto can provide a comforting framework for the ceremony and the obituary.
"The most beautiful thing a person can leave behind is a smile on the face of those who think of them."
- Find inspiration: The 194 most beautiful funeral sayings: short, modern & comforting.
4. inform guests: Who should be there?
Once the setting and date for the funeral service have been decided, the mourners need to be informed. Make a list of the people you would like to inform personally.
The obituary in the newspaper or on an online portal is the usual way to reach a wider circle and inform the public about the death and the date of the funeral service. It is a formal announcement and at the same time a public tribute.
- Help with the design: Designing funeral announcements: A practical guide.
For the closest circle, a personal notification by telephone or a sensitive message is the better way.
5. after the funeral service: grieving together and saying thank you
The farewell does not end with the funeral. The subsequent get-together and thanksgiving are important elements of the culture of mourning.
The funeral café (funeral feast)
A meal or coffee together after the funeral service offers guests the opportunity to share memories and support each other in an informal setting. It doesn't have to be an elaborate event; often a simple gathering in a café or restaurant is just the right thing.
The thank you note
After a few weeks, it is time to say thank you for the sympathy, comforting words and support you have received. This can be done in the form of a printed thank you card or an advertisement.
- Wording aids & templates: Thank you notes in bereavement: personalized samples & tips.
- Free templates: Design stylish thank you notes easily with Word templates.
Conclusion: A farewell that will be remembered
Planning a funeral service is an act of love. You create a space where family and friends can say goodbye together and honor the life of a unique person. Good organization takes away the stress and gives you the freedom to focus on what really matters: a personal and loving farewell that will be remembered.